


Fall Without End

by idrilhadhafang



Series: The Fall of Ben Solo [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Conflicted Ben Solo, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Gen, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, POV Ben Solo, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Dark Side of the Force, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-20 12:30:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16137290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Shortly after the tragic events of the Temple massacre on Yavin IV, nineteen year old Ben Solo leaves Poe Dameron in order to seek out safety as well as the source of his nightmares. The journey transforms him into something he was never meant to be. Darkness is rising, but so is something that the darkness cannot touch — hope.





	1. Run

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: So I’m mixing things up a little with this series by writing the installments simultaneously. I figured that it would help keep me on the right track, at least. 
> 
> Chapter title from the Snow Patrol song of the same name.

The cockpit of the shuttle was quiet even as Ben Solo sat there, looking out at the blue lines of hyperspace. Now that he actually had time to process what exactly had happened, he couldn’t help but feel sick. The other students from Luke’s Academy, stars bless, were asleep so they couldn’t detect their newfound leader having a nervous breakdown in the cockpit of the shuttle that they’d basically stolen. 

He’d committed a massacre. Good as followed in his grandfather’s footsteps. Everything he was trying to avoid. He looked at his hands, which were trembling in the blue light, and he found that his old breathing exercises from his Jedi training were harder than ever. He hadn’t wanted to. Stars willing. And yet here he was. 

Here they were. 

And Poe...

He could still feel the warmth of Poe’s body against his skin where he’d hugged him last. Could remember his words to him. “ _Don’t wait, Poe Dameron. Light up, fill the galaxy with your light. And no matter where you go, what happens, you’ll always be my best friend.”_

Even the word “best friend” couldn’t adequately sum up how Ben felt about him. If only he’d had the nerve! Said something else, said that he’d loved Poe, because he did, more than anything...

Who was he, in the end, without Poe? It felt like missing a limb, or being the other half of something with the first half missing. Maybe he was nothing. Born nothing, made nothing. 

 _Not to me,_  the familiar voice said from across the galaxy. _You were always made to be extraordinary._

Ben could take comfort in that. He was nothing, but not to the voice. To the voice, he was the future. A better, brighter future for the galaxy, like the voice promised. He would put the galaxy back together...and yet he wished he had Poe with him to show it off to. 

_You did a hard thing, young Solo. But the only thing you could do considering the circumstances._

_I hope._

_The sign, young Solo, of a conflicted soul. Come to me. You need never be conflicted or lonely again..._

_No._ Ben could only hope, at least. He needed to. 


	2. Finding His Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was coming out of hyperspace that Ben heard the ship’s alarms go off; they were caught in a tractor beam. One of the students, Kara, ran up to the cockpit. “Ben! What is it?”

”Tractor beam. And...kriff, we don’t even have a shroud to throw the thing off.”

”We’re not going down without a fight,” Kara said. “Promise.” 

Ben nodded. “Assuming they’re there to fight with us.”

It was then that he heard the voice again, echoing in his mind.  _Have no fear, young Solo. We are not here to fight._

Ben could only hope that was the case. 

***

The guards in red stormed their ship, and it was there that one of them actually spoke. “The Supreme Leader wishes to speak with you.” The guard in question held two curved blades; Ben supposed it was fortunate that they weren’t going to use the blades on him or his fellow students. 

Ben swallowed. “How do I know this isn’t a trap?” 

“The Supreme Leader rarely sets traps unless they are necessary,” said the guard. “In your case, he only wishes an audience with you and your companions.”

”Can he grant us sanctuary?”

”He can grant a great many things.”

Ben paused. He didn’t like it, but to keep his companions safe as well as himself... “Lead the way. And if you try anything, I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

”I was about to say the same, young Jedi.”

The walk to the elevator was, to say the least, tense. When Ben spoke, he said, “Who is this Supreme Leader?”

”He rules and guides us. His true name is lost to history, so he goes by a title. Many of us know him as Snoke.”

”Snoke?” Ben couldn’t think of a name less likely to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. “Interesting.”

The elevator reaches the throne room, which seemed like a sea of red, and from there, Ben heard a hearty, almost booming laugh. “Well done, my good and faithful guards! Bring the boy before me.”

The guards did, and Ben got a good look at the Supreme Leader. He’d seen only glimpses of his face in the shadows, but now he saw the being — almost skeletal in nature, pale, covered in scars and warped, wearing gold robes that went to his ankles. Ben tilted his head; he’d almost expected Snoke to look...mightier. 

“Young Solo,” Snoke rumbled. “Welcome.”

”I have questions for you.”

”No doubt many.”

”What is this ship? Where are we?”

”You’re on the _Supremacy,_ child,” Snoke said almost casually. “There is no select location; we roam the galaxy, seeking to restore order where the Republic failed to do so.”

”A noble goal.”

Snoke chuckled. “An interesting word choice, young Solo. But perhaps not unexpected for an idealistic soul such as yourself. Why are you here?”

”I seek safety,” Ben said. “My uncle tried to kill me, and my...companions may be in danger as well.”

Snoke looked at him. “I suppose I should not have been surprised,” he said. “Skywalker always was arrogant and deluded. Trying to murder you for having darkness in you no doubt seemed like the next logical step for him.”

”Yeah.” Even that hurt. “Why didn’t he...like me?”

”Don’t blame yourself, child,” Snoke said. “Skywalker was so steeped in Jedi dogma that he saw your balance of Light and Dark as something to be feared instead of admired. He held back your potential. He humiliated you and put you down. Even turned your more innocent desires into something to be shamed.”

Ben couldn’t argue. All of it was true. 

“You were unwanted, young Solo. But here...you will never have to feel unwanted again.”

Even that was too wonderful to be real. Being wanted. Being trained. Finding his place in all this. Stabilizing the galaxy. Safety. 

“And my companions?”

”They will be safe.”

Slowly, surely, Ben nodded. 

“Excellent.” Snoke smiled, almost firaxan shark like. “It is in your best interests, you know.”

And Ben had an uneasy feeling in that moment that there was no turning back. 


	3. Heritage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben begins his training, and learns about Vader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ben had to build a new lightsaber of course, given that his old one wasn’t exactly fitting anymore. He wasn’t a part of Luke’s Jedi Order anymore. Nearly twenty and no longer a Jedi. He was good as adrift in a sea of confusion, not quite a Jedi, not quite a Dark Sider. He was instead, somewhere on the brink of falling. Being trained to fall, actually. 

Snoke trained him, of course. Using a practice lightsaber, naturally — Ben had not yet constructed his own lightsaber. Snoke did not hold back, however, when it came to training Ben. “Your enemies will not hold back,” he said to Ben. “And neither should you.”

Ben could not deny that. If his enemies ever caught up to them, they’d surely massacre them. He had to be prepared. 

And so he endured the slices on his flesh, the imprints of whip marks from where the Praetorian Guards occasionally cut into him with those instruments. They were just practice injuries, after all — Ben could take practice injuries. And yet there was always this wonder if, truly, he ever would be good enough. If he’d ever rise above simply mediocre. 

Snoke said otherwise, of course. “You are a fine Force user,” he said. “My previous apprentices were disappointments, but you are more than worthy.”

”What were they like?” 

Snoke laughed, a bit harsher than his other laughs. It sounded like a bark. “If by ‘what were they like’ you mean ‘disappointing’...they were exactly that. Overambitious, weak, unbalanced, easily bested by those their lesser...you, however, are different. You have the potential to be a worthy scion to Lord Vader.”

Ben’s throat went dry. “I...do?”

”You were taught that Vader was a monster.” Snoke sat comfortably on his throne. “What if I told you that he was not?”

”Tell me about my grandfather,” Ben said. “I want to know everything.”

”Your grandfather was...remarkable. Not as powerful as he should have been thanks to his mutilations on Mustafar — yes, his sorry excuse for a master cut off three of his limbs and left him to burn to death, did you know that? If not for Sidious’ intervention and your grandfather’s own sheer force of will, he would have died.”

”But that’s...cruel,” Ben said. 

“The Jedi believe they are righteous because they say they are, not because of anything they do,” Snoke said. “But your grandfather was fearless. Even after he was horrifically mutilated, he used his wounds to his advantage. He let nothing stand in his way.”

And listening, Ben felt his pity and respect for Vader grow. It was amazing how one man could turn a tragedy into a strength. 

"Why did he fall?” Ben said. 

“The love of a woman from Naboo. Personally, young Solo, I find that sentiment only chains you to the Light, but even that doesn’t hold back from what an exemplary job your grandfather did while alive. Among my people, he was called the Endurer, for his survival at Mustafar was worthy of a warrior.” 

“My grandmother must have been exemplary if he sacrificed so much for her.”

Snoke snorted. “She was ungrateful. Even after he risked everything to save her from dying, she betrayed him. He was too extraordinary for a woman of such low caliber.” A beat. “Then again, he was too extraordinary for everyone else in his life.”

”He must have been.” Ben doubted he could comprehend his grandmother’s ingratitude. “I hope I can be as strong as he.”

”With time and training, young Solo,” Snoke said. “You will.”

Even back in his quarters, Ben had a feeling that hearing what Snoke said about Vader wasn’t enough. There had been so much hidden from him, just to control him. So many things yet unknown. There was a console in his room where he could look up the archives of Vader’s speeches. 

Even hearing the recordings, Ben couldn’t help but be awed. Vader had so much power in him, such confidence. More than Ben could ever have — and Vader hadn’t been much older than Ben was now when he got the suit. Ben supposed he could work at it. Keep working at it until he got it right. 

He couldn’t help, all the while, but be excited for it. 


	4. Strange Pale Geometry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sets foot on Moraband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“Young Solo,” Snoke said, “Is there a reason you still carry this weapon with you?”

They were in Snoke’s throne room, simply talking, after a session with the Praetorian Guards. Ben was getting better, even managing to slice a guard’s staff in two with the blade he carried. But Snoke wasn’t happy with the fact he carried his old blue-bladed lightsaber still. Ben couldn’t say it was really a Jedi weapon anymore, though — the fact that it had killed Jedi was proof enough of that. He was still in that bizarre transition phase, he supposed — neither Jedi nor...Dark Sider? Sith? He would have to ask Snoke about it. Who they were. The Sith had died at Endor. Who were they? 

“It’s not a Jedi weapon anymore,” Ben said. It sounded like a weak justification, all things considered. But it was the truth. 

“It’s a tie to your past,” Snoke said. “A tie to your uncle. Who tried to kill you.”

Even thinking of it that way, it was enough to make Ben feel sick. 

Snoke continued. “Let the past die, young Solo. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way  to become what you were meant to be.”

”How do I do it?”

”It’s more of an ongoing process than anything else,” Snoke said. “And that begins with your lightsaber.”

***

It was for Ben’s twentieth Naming Day that Snoke took him to Moraband to find crystals and components for his new lightsaber, as well as to learn more about the Dark Side. Even trying to take it all in, it was overwhelming. Not only was he twenty, but this was the first Naming Day he spent away from his family. He was effectively family-less. Poe-less as well.

Even stepping out of the shuttle that Snoke had given him, Ben looked around Moraband, the vast Valley of the Dark Lords, the dusty grounds beneath his feet, feeling once again like he was in the shadows of gods. 

He wore a hood to hide his face. Already, he would have to find something to cover his face completely; no one could know that Ben Solo still existed. For now, the hood he wore was relatively practical. 

General Hux’s voice, to Ben’s annoyance, flickered over the comlink. “Are you certain you want to do this?” he said, but there was more of a sneer in his voice, so oily it made Ben’s skin crawl. 

“I believe,” Ben said, “I can handle myself, General.” The General had, truly, rubbed him the wrong way when he’d first met him, and that feeling didn’t seem to let up any time soon. He wasn’t even truly loyal to Snoke. Inexplicably, he thought he could do better...

Ben continued. “Guard the _Supremacy_. That is your goal, and your goal alone. Once I get what I come for, then I will return.”

”As you wish,” Hux said, still with that slimy edge to his voice that left Ben’s skin crawling. 

The comm went quiet, and Ben continued across the sandy grounds, head bowed against  the winds that stung his eyes and whipped against his cheeks and hair. 

Snoke’s voice echoed in his mind. _It’s advisable you don’t disturb the corpses. The hsiss guard them — and I doubt that you want to disturb the hsiss._

 _“_ And if I do?” Ben said. 

 _You’d likely die._  

Ben nodded. “I didn’t exactly come here to rob corpses,” he said. 

_A wise choice. Finding crystals...it’s advisable that you would find them in the ruins of the Sith Academy, or the tomb of Ludo Kressh._

 Ben furrowed his brow. “The ancient Dark Siders had bizarre names,” he said. 

 _Names can bely power, child. There is much you can learn, after all, from Ludo Kressh._  

Ben supposed. 

***

Investigating the Sith Academy was almost eerie, Ben thought. Like investigating the relics of giants. It was heading to the shyrack caves, where Kressh’s tomb was, that aside from a strong stench and fighting off shyrack and tu’kata that had taken up residence there, Ben couldn’t say was terribly eventful. Finally, he reached the tomb’s entrance, strange pale geometry and whispered voices swirling around him like a Jakku sandstorm. 

 _You are ready?_  Snoke said. 

“Yes.” 

Ben could only hope he was up to the challenge. 


End file.
